An Article by Mary Lynn Colosimo

                It is my privilege to work with residents from Restoration Ministries, men and women who struggle with addictions.  It is a gift to walk with them and lead them on the journey of recovery.  I organize a weekly book club with the female residents and recently I was asked by one of the ministry leaders to teach an etiquette course to all of the residents, both female and male.  I had taught the course several years ago and the leaders thought that the time was right to teach the course again. 

                As a college professor, I wanted to share a course outline or syllabus with the student residents.  I asked myself a question as the material was being prepared.  What areas of etiquette, manners, and virtues did I see as necessary to include in the course?  My list was created and after the first class, I realized that the students thought the information offered was as important as I thought that it was to teach.  All of the 50 residents looked eagerly at me to hear about etiquette:  what is it?  Why is it important?  Why do we need a course to understand the concept?  What are the goals of the course?  Why do manners count?  Is a course on the topic of etiquette important?  Together we reflected upon the questions at the first class.  I knew that the information was important and so did others.

                A few years ago, a preparatory school in California wanted to combat the notion that students only have time for cell phones, texts, and instant messaging.  The school wanted a return to polite conversation and common courtesy.  We wanted the same at Restoration Ministries, yet for another age group.   My students ranged in age from 18 – 58.   The school’s administration wanted their students, from ages 5 - 18 to return to eye contact and polite behaviors.  They initiated some radical ideas.  For example, when someone enters a classroom, the entire class stands and greets the guest.  Using “ma’am” and “sir” is encouraged as students walk with their heads up and provide eye contact to those passing by in the halls.  The school emphasizes discipline, ethical values, personal responsibility and respectfulness.

                Perhaps if students return to manners 101 in grades K-12, the course in etiquette at Restoration Ministries may not seem too unusual.   When I return to class on Saturday morning at 8 a.m., the students will be reflecting upon the following:  poise and social etiquette, dining etiquette, dating etiquette, and job interview etiquette.  Perhaps when we complete the course, the residents will re-enter society with manners and virtues that they thought were long forgotten. 

In The Civility Solution by Forni, he suggests that there are eight rules for a civil life: 

1. Slow down and be present in your life.

2. Listen to the voice of empathy.

2. Keep a positive attitude.

3. Respect others and grant them plenty of validation.

4. Disagree graciously and refrain from arguing.

5. Get to know the people around you.

6. Pay attention to the small things.

7. Ask, don’t tell.

Consider a comment from a nine-year-old student at the preparatory school in California.  “It’s good to be polite,” she said.   I think she’s right.